She tasted like cigarettes
trying to swim in a pool of lust
but drowning in an ocean of sorrow
and she hated it
hated the fact that he could see
her cracked up layers
and her piled up fears
he held the petals
of her cardoon shaped heart.

She didn’t understand
that her smoke was his air
and he revelled the waves of her lust
enraptured in breathlessness of her sorrow
she sleeps on a bed of roses
but only feels the thorns
painting the white petals red
and every night they decompose
in the bottle of cold liquor

Out of berlin’s lights
with nothing else in mind
and only the wall in sight
oh…
she wants to enjoy the spirits and
maybe make love by the wall
and, anyone who cares could watch
blessed to ride and die
they are the freak show
and all of heavens hosts
acknowledge their place
sitting down at a table
sipping cold liquor.

I’m going to draw a heart
With a knife
Pushing deeply as I start
Allowing the warm blood to flow down the scars that tattoo my arm

I’m sitting in a bath
Soaking my sorrow
Through desolate memories
Of not wanting to see tomorrow

Black
Dark
Deconstruct the illusions in your life
And let the truth sink
Let it distort your core and your joy
Let it soak in the light and leave you without your shine
Like a jet without fuel
High and dry
Falling from the sky

And in your inner most castle walls
Just across the palace gates
Hungry babies eyes
Gaze
And you want to love and nurture
But as you feed
They choke, and with tears in their eyes they die
In your arms they rot
You’re glued to the spot

Bright lights flashes
I’m laying on my back
Yet standing along the corridor
Watching as they wheeled my body across the hospital
I was pale like a ghost and I wasn’t moving
They covered up my art, to stop my blood flowing
And frantically tried to restart my heart, to keep my body going

They didn’t find a pulse and neither could I
I have misplaced it years ago, when I replaced my body with soap
And my bones with ropes
My blood was tears and all my mind was fears

I had put flowers in my chest, and willed them to grow,
thinking it could maybe rejuvenate my soul
But it didn’t and I knew that I would not survive
So I tried to trick my mind,
And tell my fears a lie
That when the flowers die and warm waters flow.
I’ll make myself a new heart to make my body glow

Happy and Healthy

Alive and Awake

Coffee and Vodka

Lattes and Mocha

Time and time again
Smiles breaks gloom as sunny skies bring light to day
And shines so much that night is bright
Glasses and water. Reflections ripple
And reveal
An us that cannot feel
An us that can only see
What is out of its cage
An us lost in our eyes
A fragmented people
A shaken world.
An us that dreams of sunny skies and still waters
That hopes we remain in this blissful youth
That we lie in the sound
Under the sun
Dreaming of love
From dawn to dusk.
And under moonlights and starry nights
We gaze into Gods eyes
And ask if the he made us
Or if we made him
If he has a plan
Or if we’re too much for him to stand
Ask him about our love
And if it’s ever enough
If it will be in vain and tear us apart
Or if it’ll last forever and transcend beyond time

We inhaled each other’s atmosphere
A bit of each other’s universe
You penetrate me
As I penetrate you
Our consciousness intertwined
As we become one
We are love
We give love
We see God
Floating around in all of you
In all of me
As we
Escape our mundane existences to become light beings
And you,

Held the cardboard to paradise
And fed me ambrosia
Filled my heart with ichor
That we may be greater than what is to come. And all that has been given

We fold around a core.
Where we can shape my heart, your heart.

Chain me down and
Deconstruct my parts
Let me envy your entity
And think less of your ethereal beauty

Let me remind you that even in an intoxicated state
I can drive you further into confusion because I speak to you
I don’t know you, but you know me

Let us bask in eternity
Eons we create with our minds.
As we explore cosmos
Trying to figure out who is you and who is me

We journey through day and night
Through entity and nothing
Transcending over existence and in existence
Break your heart and breaking mine

We have nothing left but each other
As we dissolve into our bodily fluids
And unite in passionate cries
And I knew you knew
When you asked
How are you?

Sadly
Sadly
We are trapped

I am Frightened
I am Frightened
Without a map

Be happy
Be happy
And please stay

With me in
With me in
This labyrinth, for one more day

Do you feel your heart racing
as she squeezes your hand in hers
and when you kissed
did you feel the trigger in her tongue?

I could smell the powder
as she whispered in my ears
and even when she bit on the lobe
saying, baby do not fear!

Did you think you were all she had?
She’s more than that!
Stronger than you, stronger than me!
stronger than what you thought she used to be

she was never broken, not for a moment
and she’ll never forget
every gift builds the armour she carries
from every person who filled her chambers

For the bullet you gave
when you promised her your love
spread the word
a girl is a gun!

I’ve given you everything that i have and more
fall into line
you know that i love you
you know that i care
i may not speak these words to you
just know i’ll always be there
and may not think the sentence of me
ingenue
let me be your foolish love
let us bask in the forbidden knowledge
not from the fruit that man possesses
not with any of the good
not with any of the evil
not with any of the suffering
you know the truth
you smile as you read these words
you know i speak to you
be ingenue, i plead
give me more time
to show that i am worthy
i am not perfect
and i need an angel by my side
i need you with me
i want you to care about me
to give me the time of day
to look at me and smile
to be filled with joy not disgust
and we will reminisce in future days
of when i’ll play with you hair tomorrow

Sell your clothes
and go out in the cold
another of the mistake
like i was told

change my mindset
make me dream of Illinois
but sing me to sleep in the Chicago streets
then run me back to Brooklyn

tell me, i reek of cigarettes
and that i’m too drunk to be sound
but hey, the night is not over yet
i’m not just some bitch you can walk around

i put on my lipstick
and a layer of makeup to hide behind
maybe i’ll look out of place
buti know you’ll like this face

this is not my daydream
and it doesn’t feel like a nightmare
i’ll look and still not find it
a reason not to stay under you rain

’17, thats the magic number
the year i found you
’21, the year i was most grateful for
when i wasn’t fun enough for you

now i’m an art angel
dress me up in feathers
let me be the your masterpiece
while i wear the trashiest shit

i weep lightening
but my thunder isn’t loud enough
you tell me to take a pill to make me numb
you only like me when i’m naked and dumb

Cherry blossoms fall to the earth
and you smile with every passing breath
the earth remains the same like an endless stream
we’re forever trapped in my cigarette daydream

I look every night through my telescope
wondering how the future will be
but i have eternal hope
just knowing i have you with me

i’ll take you into my meadow
you can carve your name on my tree
it will bind in a state of glow (yellow/gold)
a euphoric freedom with me

whether it was bright or bleak
we’d stand through thin and thick
we meet the adversary blow for blow
till we vanquish every foe

Cherry blossoms on the ground
have only just fallen from the sky
but the bloom in love we are bound
is that which will never die

the daffodil bed we made is its marrow
and the winter bird plays possum
down south is the home for the sparrow
where the cherry bushes will blossom