I want to look at you
Maybe even hold your hand
and watch you all the while

Oh, t’was a heavenly view
Sitting on that hilltop playing with sand
You were an angel meditating with a smile

It’s the radiance of gold next to coal
The way your eyes shone into my soul

I was wrapped in lonesome blues
heartbroken with nothing else to do
Then you spoke of love, time and space

The labyrinth between inferno and the promised place
It imprinted on me a glorious bind
I lose unhappiness, when you’re on my mind

It’s a blessing seeing you sway to that song
Our fingers kissing, but never for too long

I know I could set things right
If I pave my way with heavenly starlight
Lift you with these words, way up high
I’ll be your happy loving bluebird, can’t I?

Your mellifluous voice in my ear
Whispering to me ’my dear
embrace me with your arms like a bow
and leap beyond clouds and over rain…ohs’

I know hearing this might be hard
But honey, I want you so bad
Just to make you smile
Even if it’s just for a little while

…
A. fantasy I wrote while thinking of you.

I never met your mother
but i was in love with her beauty
the purity of madness that shone in her eyes
and the half of the world that i saw in her smile

i never met your mother
that goddess of the hunt
she was wild and free like no other
Hellish beauty with an angelic front

years before the plague, she happened to me in a dream
kissed my cheek and said:
though things aren’t always as they seem
keep this memory of me in your head

i never held your mother
and she never embosomed me
I know, we will be together
Till then take care of her baby boy,
Someday, I hope to, too.

they said,
to love you is to die.
i read their lips as i rose my wrists
to hug your knife,
dead.

you said,
i’ve searched the world far and wide,
you were all i was hoping to find.
but now i’m thinking,
maybe you lied.

i said,
i would always be there
and i promise to love you till the end
well, the end is here
and the promise is like the love
and the love is like this song
broken

maybe i could repair my heart
and mend this trust
to be a better man
to be a stronger man
the one she knew me to be
the one i know she would want me to be

you said,
do the things now for yourself,
though you are only alive because of she.

now she’s gone,
you’re gone
and I have to live on,
for me, our promise of love, and she.

She’s utterly and heartbreakingly beautiful
In the simple kind of way
The way she chooses her words and the stride in her walk
She was the star on which I would pray

I’m imperfect and brokenly affected
And this is what I had to say
break me and remake me
I’ll be yours, loving and to love everyday

She shapes the ground I dance around
Pneuma of magic at night, Golden Starfire by day
make me like you, to be ,as one ,as is with two
tell me the magic words, angel, teach me how to pray

tell me, how does a person feel alive? (what does it mean to feel alive)
She smiles coyly and replies:
The answer you seek lies beyond any meaning
Always remember that you have to die

Show love and kindness to one more person
So that maybe in their eyes you will see it
or like you did for me, hold their hand
and maybe, just maybe, you will feel it.

In the eyes of God’s gift

The Tiger Looked Just As Beautiful As You Do
Although I Would Argue
To My Dreaming Mind, And My Waking Eyes
That Its Carnal Eyes Spoke True

I Was Unsure, You See
I Had Run In Shame And Fear
Somewhere Between Lust, Magic And Suicide
Backpedaling And Lonely, I Wish You’d Appear

I Saw A Painting Yesterday
Of A Garden I Used To Live In
And The River You Had Playfully Called The Sea
And The Path We Would Walk In

I Want You To Take This Chest
And Weigh It Against A Feather
After My Little Death, And Tell Me Whether
Your Little Death Will Keep Me Alive

Forgive Me, I Speak In Jest

At The End Of The Dream, I Stood For You, A Leap Away
Drinking Water As You Approached
You Made It Known That I Was Your Friend
And You Let Me Stroke Your Fur…
Just Then I Become A Lion
And Feel Your Hand Run Through My Mane
I Feel Your Claws Caress Against My Paw
And I See Your Smile In My Eyes

Gazing At Your Carnal Eyes,
Forever Impressed On The Insides Of My Mind.

Tell My Mom I’m Sorry
Some Of These Dreams Whither Away
And Like The End Of A Winter’s Tale Or Summer Story
It’s Me And You And Our Knitted Connection In Disarray

Find My Brothers And Tell Them I’m Gone
That I Got Lost In The Woods
I Met A Woman And She Had A Cradle,
I Promised To Be The Father Of That Baby
And Thats Why I’m Not Coming Home

Tell My Father I Engraved His Message In My Chest
And That I’ll Let My Son Know, Or My Daughter
That There’s A World, Not Like The One You See
And With The Right Approach, You Can Achieve Your Dreams

Remind Me In Future Days, That We Got High Together
That We Played Silly Games On Each Other
That We Prayed To Something We Hoped Could Hear Us
On The Road, Far From Home, Just A Couple Of Souls
Searching To Become Whole

Slap The Truth Into Me
Maybe Grab My Hair Too, Until My Scalp Bleeds
Remind Me That There’s Some Good In The World, And All Is Not Lost
Remind Me That All The Love We Feel, Is Definitely Worth The Cost

Tell My Mom I’m Sorry
Because I Didn’t Know If She Would Listen To Me
And That I Loved The Way She Brushed My Hair And Tucked Me Into Bed
The Stories She Read To Me Created This Palace In My Head

You Know This Already
But I’ll Reiterate This Again
Let Your Friends Know That They Mean The World To You
And Tell Your Family You Love Them.

—.Tell My Mom Her Boy Misses And Loves Her, Everyday.
He Has Since He Was A Part Of Her,
And He’s Grateful For This Love
Now That She’s A Part Of Him.

Something makes me wander across the stars i find in your eyes
sometimes at night i fantasise about that evening on the river side
you wore that pink summer dress you said was your moms
and I
I was hopelessly in love with the look in your eyes

I’d write an epistle about the hunger the loss of you makes me feel
it’s called body without a soul,
a bear with no hide, and a wolf with no bones
but alas the water flows, from the lakes into the homes
and I
wonder how it is that even now, you are so real

these trees grow from the love in you
and these roots sink to the hells in me
I hope the fruit is blessed and leaves stay evergreen
longing, softly and strongly
to not be stirred from this violent dream

I listened to your visions, the light intense in your eyes
the colour flushing in your smile
our souls locking and unlocking,
it’s not lost at all, just a piece of me you’d have to carry with you
and I
carry a piece of you in me

shall we compare our gods, our love, fears and hate
you told me about things such of: power and fate
where we come from and why we are here
and what happens before we are born and after we die
Oh how i do enjoy being lost wandering across infinity in your eyes

The rain fell to wash away
the blood from the streets, at the end of the day
past the point of no return
things would never be the same again

we are burning incense to the heavens
that the most high hears our cry
let the world rejoice once more in the light
lets unite the world, if just for a night

the pendulum swings and the sun sets
rivers purified with the blood of the dead ~~ (life of the young)
is that a home or just where i’m from
i, like you all, want someplace to belong

– memorial day 20/10/2020

Maybe if i keep digging i’ll find gold
or maybe i should just give up,
and do what i’m told

who would be held accountable
for the bloodshed that would water the dirt of our land
God again? the devil again? the outsider?
or the other guy?

i present to the jury last year’s man
or the man in the mirror.
i present to the jury, me
and you, and you and you
and the whole lot of yous

we are slowly and briskly losing what makes us real
what makes us feel
we are trapped in bubbles, in echo chambers
and our order is twisted

nature is coming to visit
and to her left are heaven’s hosts…
and to her right are the hordes of hell…

heaven protect those
who seek to promote love peace and unity
i hope we can come to an understanding.

It hurts to not be able to write
It’s weird that we’ll never again fight
I’m glad, I spoke those words few
Those words that I love you

And I can feel(hear) your heart in my chest
I can still feel my head on your breast
I have for many years doubted that the world was just
I find repose in the thought, all is not lost

There’s a pause in the air
God holds his breath
I know you’re now in the right place
Behind my closed eyelids I see your face

I’ll see you again tomorrow (I’ll be with you tomorrow)
When I float through the bardo
We have inexhaustible love to burrow
Our fuel to heaven in this boat

that’s what it sounds like
nothing we’ve known
the truth it seems emerges from
something we’ve never seen

To be quaint and frank,
I feel no pain
but I do acknowledge that my arms are tired
From digging this grave

When will I get to sleep in my bed
and transcend this earthly flow
How else can I be left alone in my head
Than to rest six feet below

Does it confuse you to see ink and blood on the same page
Does it concern you to imagine
faux reproduction of the insane
the soul is the scene, the world is the stage

There’s no more sorrow
The lamb has been slain
For us, it’s a won revolution tomorrow
If we allow peace and Love to remain

I’m no longer at a loss for words
I want to say we’ve been betrayed by leaders
But we’ve betrayed ourselves worse
the hate is so ugly, and it’s a fire
Why do we fuel it

Why do we not starve it’s desire?
No more -isms , just men living free
To all those with answers I ask this.
To be, or not to be?

Candy asks me to stay down
And I know you can guess why
to make her moan and explode
To make her see fireworks in the sky

She keeps me up
With her fantastical daydreams
Feeding me her nectar so I stay alive
If you read between these lines, it’s a lot more than it seems

Her tongue wrapping my own
Now we were locked in godly embrace
What’s the opposite of alone?
Her eyes rolled to the back of her face

Okay, enough talk of deeper things
She had the universe in her mind
Maybe we were just at the right place at the right time
But she was all I would hope to find

Candy stares me down, as we spoke about sustainability and the future
She puts my hand on her breast to feel her heart beat
What do you think? she asks
I put her hand on my chest, this is yours to keep

It will soon be alright, I know you know
I shiver when she kisses the tip, I cry when she blows
Boy, the way you use your tongue, and the way you write
She said I know you’ll fuck me right,
but like you did with that Candy girl,
love me tonight.

I think it’s the way the divine leaks from your eyes
That moulds my heart into becoming your wings
I didn’t trade the moth for a butterfly
So for you, I became just like all the other things

I tattooed words to my heart
Those weren’t enough
You say fall back into place
And tattoo those words on your face

I’m picking up the pieces that I can find
Of my heart that the glue didn’t bind
It’s a lot bigger than it used to be
I appreciate the love you gifted me

The beginning was unexpected
But the end was premeditated
We danced around the edge of the sword
It’s a death I wasn’t sure we would afford

You’re with them now, and I hope you’re glad
We’re on a quest to find our own
That’s the remedy for a love you said was driving you mad
I wrote to survive being alone

Through it all I smile and try to
assess who is and is not my friend
Even though just for a while, I pray for you too
I pray true love finds you in the end

I have this eerie memory of a fairytale
maybe you can tell it to me again
how did it end?
who was the hero of this story?
I remember that the princess slayed the dragon,
and that just the beginning.

I had the strangest dream last night
the taste of human flesh still reeks in my breath
what became of us, the wizards of Babel?
why is it that i wished to die?
I remember that I relished in the feast,
and the act of killing, we called nature.

I have silent reveries about a slow revolution
but someone wakes me up
Is it already too late?
did we jubilate and rave while they stole our souls?
I remember that I have friends who hope to be a change,
and tomorrow is nearly yesterday.

You wrote me to stay strong.
You said do not give up.
You asked if I was happy,
and if I missed you.
I wrote you about my fears and said ‘Thank You’
I said yes and yes and added that ‘I love You’.

The hero was an amnesiac
a beggar and a king
the fairytale was told before it began
trapped in forever and never
the end so far
to live happily ever, even after.

She tasted like the last puff of a cigarette
already used
but who am i, but a beggar
with no right to choose?

she wrote french love notes
and wore lilac in her hair
beaconing for a lover
who was no longer there

he played her for fiddle strings
but it sounded like a harp
this and that, this and that
the melodies of the heart

i stood and watched
my cup aside
listening and waiting
to see what the fates decide

o filthy son of poverty
graceless and depraved
if you do not make for yourself a home
you make yourself a grave

if only i could comprehend, what had been said
and not ask for it, to be repeated
if only you goddess, take my weary head
and make your bosom for me, a bed

it wouldn’t be home
and only i would know
few men choose when to die
fewer still do it alone

she tasted like cherry cola
and marijuana
I am a beggar, loving her still
fighting for a right to choose

what do i have to lose?

Last night we talked and we fucked
But that was just a dream
Tonight I wrote and you read
Those quiet thoughts I never said
Like how I love to give you head

Last afternoon we made love
Because that’s all it is with you
In every second of each moment
Just staring and smiling
Talking, walking and loving

And there’s a conspiracy to keep us guessing
In your world and in mine
How this dance will go
But it doesn’t matter
I always love you

I saw happiness and pain your eyes
as i confessed the truth to a multitude of lies
I saw horror become beauty’s disguise
I saw the day love finally dies

I saw my flaws and your flaws laid bare
we promised for each other to always be there
I mentioned that you are heaven sent
and i hope true love finds you in the end

I saw you practice how to disappear
escaping and denying your many fears
I saw you from the moon in that ivory tower
I saw night give way to dawn’s golden hour

I saw you watching over me as I slept
I saw you radiant mere hours after you’ve wept
I for once saw into your soul all too clear
it’s the greatest view from over here

There’s an umbrella in the attic
I call it love and peace
there’s a painting on my wall
I call it blue and green

Another cliche
Poem of you
and me
and distant earth’s view

There’s a meadow and there’s a tree
A cradle and a coffin
A fountain and a maiden
love in real world

Another reckoning I must endure
I finally understand the writing on the wall
Although at first obscure
It’s about me and none of you all

There’s a piece of a mask floating in the river
A cross and a child
A light to pierce tehom
Jesus and a girl