I’m trying to ask the truth to come alive again
It’s face having been tucked away for so long
Hidden beneath so many flaws, wounded hearts,
Scorned, betrayed, bleeding and barely holding on.

It warms to my touch and in my ears whispers
That for who I am, and the passions I now confess
Although I may be graceless, this soul is free
Is there something other you would wish me to be?

In the spirit of the roses stolen from the day to gift to the wife
The night holds secrets we’ve buried under it’s skies

***

I want you to never forget this
It’s just there

***

I feel I might have burnt through it all
The feel of the most beautiful angel in it’s fall
The trail I blazed through the heavens you made a wish upon schemes
Why do you reject this face that must bare hell for your dreams

***

I plucked this bug from my shirt
Squished it between my fingers
Then flung it out into the dirt
The sharp sting of my cruelty lingers

It may be out of sight
But may I impress this on your mind

***

I ran as fast as I could from this dream
That my words poured life into
My pages were an escape from life
The rivers of blood I drowned in

The love I longed for, the hate I grew in
My flower struggles to bear beautiful fruit
But it did, if only to soothe your wounded heart
The bond is broken, the words are a lie
No longer speak of love she says
Do you think yourself sly

***

If you could read
In my words all is bare
I’ve dusted the muck
So my confessions run clear
Yet you think me sly

***

13/09/2024

Ki kọ kin kọ (what we can and can’t describe)
Ti a ronu a a le sọ (that we perceive but can’t speak)
Ada f’owo kam igi (the cutlass hits the tree)
Igin mi, igi ṣin (the wood breathes, the tree splits)

Don’t forget to watch the first petals fall
He loves you, he loves you not
It’s almost struck midnight at the ball
What’s your name again? I’m sorry I forgot

The colors from your cheeks fade away
Now I’m afraid I made some mistake

I want to rebegin with a fresh canvas
As though my name were not the same
I want to bury away all of my treasure
Forsake the money, power and the fame

To experience anew the yoke of romance
and stick my chips on a game of chance
ask the belle of the ball for that one dance
If only she would give my way a glance

To watch the first leaves of autumn fall
She loves you not, she loves you

I could awaken the dead
with these words
But let them be the earth
that cracks through your flaws
My wickedness
flowing like righteous melody
All of your love
is a misremembered reverie
That I planted under winter’s breath
And sunned with torturous poison
This heart is dangerous
Wanting you like it could die
Hating your guts with a smile
A clever and uncompassionate wile
You disgust me like moss
These are the words
And I want you to read on
Yes you!
Don’t look away when I’m talking to you
You laugh it off
But that’s what I want
It’s the inners of this time machine
Read on!
You know what I mean
You didn’t think I could be this mean
You know what I mean
Now laugh some more
I wish you’d cry
And I know you will
Is that your heart sinking
Your breath lost
Come on, try to laugh it off
I’d like to chuckle as your tears fall
Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to say it all
I always wanted to love a saint
To defile an angel
To bring love into the heart of a devil
To make paradise in the midst of wasteland
Come on, don’t give me that
You make me sick
Is this another one of your petty tricks
Yes, did I make your smile
Are you laughing at me
My stupidity
My gaiety
I hate you to death
So much so that I must love you
Do you hate me too?
My monsters feed off your misery
And they’re giants now
Tell me thank you
Don’t make me snitch
Don’t make me call you a
Nah, I love you too much for that
I wish you laugh loud at this
I wish you die
Then I would die too
What I would give to lie by you tonight
Under the starlight
Covered by alive earth
Resting into eternal death
But I want to hurt you
You know what I mean
You know what I mean
You don’t know what I mean
I’ve lost my mind in you
And there’s nothing else I can do
We were supposed to do this together
But hey, love’s just another word right
Stupid bitch!

I crawled on my hands and knees
My head bent at the foot of an altar
As I pleaded in earnest with the sage
To spare you in gold to a later age of oak

How hollow my wishes did seem to ring
As echoed back words they did sing
It covered my face with the rot of eschar
How did I get nowhere after going so far

I tore down curtains from all the walls,
So sunlight brings warmth to the home
At the heart of this temporal palace
Once broken with grief and cold with sorrow

In this place you can grow old and gray
Your memory cherished in beating hearts
I feel the profundity of the empty tomb
In the light from your virtue that abounds

It was a dreary December night
When I expended all of my might
Calling from a thousand miles away
Pleading with you to just stay

And make this tundra of a soul
Hospitable and somewhat whole
To be a sun radiating exploding light
A warmth in this cold and frozen night

It was a scythe that cleaved us apart
And left me morosely thinking what happens to the heart
When bodies are made to recoil by the earth
And our souls toils undone by death.

She told me about the infinite cyclicality of style
With a smile and gentleness I was remembering to love
How fashion trends would repeat every once in a while
Not all at once or together, bits remain, sizing with her hands.

She taught me how to make the most out of my misery
Even though in my mourning I rejected company
Her arms wrapped around me as I wept quietly
For moments she was mother and I was child, our cord unbroken

She thinks of me when she stares at her stereo
A betrayer of the truth, a stranger who baited scorn
I remember her when I see the blossoms of spring
How long till this love, conjured to last forever, is all gone?

I said to her, in a memory imagined “I fell for you while sipping tea
A hundred times before and ten times that to come,
And should we meet again, under arrangements desired or not
I will always fall, and you will always smile

Your face echoing my love, my love echoing style,
Broken by time and remade, seeming different but remaining, one and the same.”

Why do you keep dong this?
Pretending like I’m not here or can’t see
The countless hearts you’ve dared to Anubis
You sometimes act like you’re not free
Will you forgive yourself your old ways
Repent and promise to never again be the same
Or will you wait for another one of those days
And go back to being a dog, in love with the game

Why do you ask me to change?
You keep preaching implicitly calling me a failure
Acting like you have to offer me in exchange
Did you once, ever stop to examine your own nature?
Telling me about old, god!, you pontificating? That’s just rich
Behind the masks you wear, we all, are one and the same
If I err, you’re the one to emasculate, your mirror’s calling me a bitch
Don’t play nice like you gave a damn to even remember my name

Will the flood of my tears lustrate your soul?
Maybe erase the ink stains, so you don’t have to change the page
Its droplets from your daughters rain collected in a bowl
She hoped perhaps it would free you from the hate filled cage
Shall I water your poison tree till it’s apples are pure?
This is my only coax to you, I will leave if you choose to fight
I know the pain you hold in your chest, the hurt you had to endure
I’m here now, a gull in flight comes to rest at your side, everything is alright!

What’s the crux on which you would lay your life
On what lies or half-truths would you devote this soul
Would you burn it all to make light in this dark night
Will the fire of Love in my heart make me whole

It’s pain and burden, breaching the moats of human reason
A redefinition of existence in the aftermath of what you know
Here to stay and possibly to find out what it really means
Will joy, beyond tears and laughter, cast on earth a heavenly glow

A fog leaving you scatterbrained and separated from family
The feeling like you were born and lived just to die today
Blindly muttering under your breath, in the arms of a saviour, finally
Not seeing, not feeling, not thinking, ‘please give it to me Someday’

Devising ruses and despicable stratagems is the folly of the wicked
Blessed to surrender and gain is the reward of the strong
What gifts can we offer to those on the wayside to paradise as we build
Hopefully you don’t reply with trifle about, ‘not before long’.

To whom does the bounty of the earth belong?
What does it mean to imbibe the good fortune of freedom?
Is your story neatly within the limits of orthodoxy today?
Blind words of those preaching death and the singularity of someday?

I imagine life with the premise of a thriller upended
But how do I put into perspective it’s acts and innings
If the start to this production has barely finished
And we, it’s audience, call for the finale’s beginning?

To speak with the hidden ruggedness of un-carved wood
Not bothering to hold back a tear or two as you spoke
The visceral pain of losing a child, which I intimately understood
Hearing our silent sobs that night, a sleeping god woke

Stealing a tale from last night’s finished book
We bid into the wilderness with no plans to return
In the darkness we chanced upon a willow by a brook
After hacking at this tree of faith and eunoia,
We watched our fruits of desire burn

It was a journey around the world beyond the daring
I watched from the vantage of a collapsing supernova
The bright moon wanes behind the clouds weeping
Touch the black hole once, and this game, it’s all over.

My bravery and agility gives way to recanted stammering
On Earth I watched them dance promising to not let go
It’s funny what games the conscientious mind likes playing
The vessel is damaged, she laughs, he cries, Oh No!

The system cooled slowly, like a winter’s morning by the seaside
I’m lost in time and stranded in outer space, where are my maps
I love the mistakes we made, even when I found a gun by his bedside
Something for you to remember, as its meaning starts to delapse.

The scales possess and govern us in ways subtler than you think
And to hold a vision of resurrecting this broken palace built for angels
You who must be king, must become subservient beyond the brink
And understand as crocodiles, cockroaches, and worms do.

To Make Heaven, Know Hell!

We lost our bearings
Dancing to birds at dawn
Her laugh ending in a snort
Of the contagious sort
That I joined, rolling on the floor
My ribs aching and eyes wet

‘I feel so young, like a baby’
She said, making an angel in the sand
I leaned over and blew a raspberry in her belly
We both laughed some more

‘You make me a man, full of thoughts
And joys from a life lived’
I confessed into her ears
We laid, staring into the stretching horizon
I felt the waves lap under my warming skin
Her head found space next to mine

‘Wouldn’t you love to ride into the sun?
Just you and me’
‘Would we survive the trip?’ I asked
‘Would it matter?’ She replied.

My voice is hoarse from screaming
i’ve exhaled out all my love and all my pain
now you choose, from what you can see me sacrificing
whether or not it will all be in bloody vain

Perhaps I should have confessed that you’re all I need
but you know how pride and cowardice go hand in hand
I admit that I stumbled wilfully blind and driven by greed
but now, if you’ll give me a chance, like a man, I’ll take a stand

I never imagined the fates bringing our story near
that I may drive a dagger through this love here
I dream of words to say to you
But just the thought of your smile, clouds my mind’s view

A booming in the air
Life sure is fair
We all surely may atone
And pull gold from stone

A human experience
Something to unite all
Because before light hence
God called for us to have a ball

Delivering Binks Sake
To all our friends with merry cheers
Singin’, dancin’ and lovin’ for Humanity sake
Isn’t that what we all here for?

To Breath, Laughing in the Air of Freedom

I’m trying to will my text to life
Cutting pieces out of me with a knife
Writing with blood on the earth
Frantically before I run out of breath

Taking slow gulps of liquor
Slowly peeling whatever secrets of the night
Can be deciphered underneath Jamesons and jacks
Too bad all will be forgotten at first light

What deal will you make with the devil
In exchange for success and fame
Will you promise to finally be faithful to some woman or craft
Or cross your fingers, runaway and change your name

I’ll speak briefly of another life
Because that’s what I believe this is
I’m not there anymore
I was dead
Very very much dead

Wings carried me after I leapt from the window
I floated through the bardo alone
So it pleases me to breath the life radiated by friends
It’s stupid not to share all this love
Heck it wouldn’t even be any fun

The people are talking
Of starry glory and the end of the earth
Nuclear war and global warming
And subjugating another lump of dirt

What would be my point when I’m all said and done
I ponder aloud to the void within me
Perhaps or not my causes and works survive after I have gone
That they may show the lucky ones how to live and be

How to conduct a foolish search for meaning
Not for the wealth, power and fame
But that in the lights you connect honestly to your being
And not construe this adventure to be just a game

It is alchemical magic
This message i’m passing on the telephone
It’s the desperate tactic
Of a soul walking in this world alone

The karma police is knocking
It’s only kids playing with toys
People just enjoy talking
Sometimes it’s sweet music, other times it’s noise.

Serpentine love that she couldn’t touch
Distracted in a boundless ocean of too much
I’m paralyzed by the glow on her perfect body
Too bad to her I’m just a nobody

Confused in messagings of friendship
Are warring demons of our own making
Forcing activity between wrong and right
Transcendence and damnation, in attempts to bring forth a light

Close to Bedrock
We find the meaning: love
Surrounded by hurt
And this broken heart can hear you

The cup hands drip
Asking the spilled bits to flow
As a river in order to reach you
And become a wave that lifts you
Up into the cloud cover above
From a stream of limitless love

I keep breaking into prose
So I must cut before I begin
I ask the sprite to cast a pose
And my mind of what it means

The demons about hold no powers
Capable of altering this course
To be seen from it’s fruits and flowers
Beauty survives the darkness of loss

Raise a light, for I am weary in this sea
Waves slapping and weathering rock
Chipping away at the soul that makes me
And the heart I thought was safe in lock

To sweep away the ashes
And begin anew from detritus
Well, at least it’s not all over, this farce
Between the world before and the next
Unaware of who we ask to save us

I tried to write a letter to you
describing my lost faith
in attempt of being a better man

I asked god to forgive these sins
brazenly committed to it’s face
against it, but mostly against you

The birds sing aloud
what the winds already whispered to me
yet they punish my iniquity with love

’Tis my head that weighs heavy
with knowledge from many years
release, for me, would be a relief my dear

Hold me steady
because I don’t know how
I can remain on the straight and narrow

‘I’m struggling to find home in my skin’
may be the only coherent phrase
you will get out of me today

Anoint me
that I may recover my roadmap
fill me with hope for tomorrow

Put your fingers through my hair
like my mother did when I was younger
if you bring the joy, I can unearth love

And we will both shine
both your face and mine
brilliantly in the light and darkness

Perhaps you were the revelation
from a deity I struggle to know
but I don’t want to kill you too

Brilhantina pro cabelo

– Always yours,
Auguste J. Baudelaire